• Facebook Status: The first 5 days after the weekend are always hard.

  • Facebook Status: I tried being normal once. Most boring hour of my life.

  • Facebook Status: You look like I need a drink.

  • Facebook Status: That moment when you try talking to someone you’re hot for and you say GFBLQRINABAH instead of “I’m good thanks!”

  • Facebook Status: I hate it when I’m singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.

  • Facebook Status: I forgot to work out today. That’s 5 years in a row!

  • Facebook Status: Birthdays are good for your health. Studies show those who have more birthdays live longer.

  • Facebook Status: Line dancing was originally invented by women waiting in line for the bathroom.

  • Facebook Status: Phew! Thank you, warning label. I was actually considering using my toaster in the shower this morning.

  • Facebook Status: LIKE if you hate it when someone tags you in a photo you look horrible in because they happen to look so good in it.